We know YOU love TheWarStore.
But you're a little person, a common everyday working stiff. What about the big people, the people whose opinions really count in American Society today?
What do the Celebs think of TheWarStore?
Well they love TheWarStore too! Check out these 'Unsolicited Celebrity Testimonials'!
Get The Miniatures Transport case Britney uses! Click on the case for more info!
Hi! I am "Britney S'
No not the kind where a flat chested pimply kid presented to America as the 'nice girl next store' is given 38C implants, erotic publicity shots, and songs that speak about maliciously lying and calling it love... not that kind of moral dilemma.
I don't bother thinking about stuff like that, it makes my head hurt.
No I mean the moral dilemma of TheWarStore and its great product, "The Army Transport" by Sabol Designs. I mean this thing is awesome! So customizable and it holds so much! I pluck out a few cubes, and BAM my shirts fit right in!
You know I don't wear much really, and this thing could hold my entire Summer Tour Wardrobe! Well 'cept maybe the bras... but I don't usually wear those either. My agent tells me that is good for business, though my mom tells me by the time I am fifty my boobs will be below my waist.
But my real dilemma is I do feel bad that this Army transport is like a War thing and all, supposed to carry troops to battle and stuff... But hey, an Item this useful is gonna be the fashion hit of the year -- better call that cutie Neal and get yours now -- Old Navy is sold out!
"TheWarStore" is the 9-11 of tomorrow"!
Cannes, France – Grandstanding at the premiere of his new film, Wargaming for Columbine, Michael Moore leaned into the microphone, passionately declaring
“Neal of TheWarStore is providing today’s youth with the pewter to destroy tomorrow.”
Moore's new film revolves around the underground phenomena of 'Miniature Wargaming', a secret hobby said to appeal to youth with above average intelligence but poor hygiene and marginal social skills. "This is a breeding ground for the military arm of the radical right", Moore asserts. "and it all revolves around the Sadam Hussein of Southold, NY - Neal of TheWarStore".
The film shows dramatic images of young people gathered around tables and using their miniature forces in mock terrorist style attacks and set piece battles. The scenes culminate with slightly blurry footage of a series of Ork Bommas, pushed by the hand of a boy of fourteen or so toward two paper towel rolls. Over the strains of 'Ride of the Valkyries', Moore’s commentary asserts, "although these young people claimed the two 'towers' on the board represented an imperial factory, the truth was decidedly more sinister."
After viewing the film, frightened theater goers congregated outside for group hugs and moral support. “What is absolutely shocking,” one viewer commented, “is just how easy it is to get these miniatures of death.”, Another said, “I never realized how Neal is corrupting our children -- mail order always seemed so innocent.” And finally a distraught women sobbed, "This Neal person has to be stopped - wont someone think of the children"?
But Mr. Moore goes even further. In a interview for the French Periodical 'Gran Fromage' he declared, "As you know I believe Americans are the stupidest people on earth, and their behavior needs to be manipulated and legislated by intelligent, intellectually honest and self controlled people like me. Perhaps we can be more like the French and Germans? Anyway, I think it is about time the people of America got off their lazy behinds and realize what Neal and TheWarStore is doing to us. If we ever want peace and unity, then we need to separate these 'Wargamers' from the rest of us and melt their icons of destruction into so much scrap metal.”
Interviewer: Is this a joke? Yoda isn’t even a celebrity! I was promised a celebrity to interview!
Yoda: A celebrity, I am.
Yoda: But I-
Yoda: You will not question my celebrity status.
Interviewer: Err… anyway Mr. Yoda, you have shown yourself to have quite a large army during the movie “Attack of the Clones.”
Yoda: 2500 points of the Army of the Republic, I own.
Interviewer: You did get them all ready in rather a short time.
Yoda: Thank Neal at TheWarStore, I do.
Yoda: For all your gaming needs, it provides.
Interviewer: I see, so this place is sort of like a mercenary camp?
Yoda: Shop at TheWarStore, you must.
Interviewer: What is this, an advertising service?
Yoda: Speedy deliveries and high quality products, it has.
Interviewer: What, is this Neal guy paying you to advertise his site?
Interviewer: You can’t advertise here without my permission!
Yoda: You will support TheWarStore.
Yoda: Free shipping on orders over $60, Neal gives.
Interviewer: Anyway… Is it just me, or does President Bush remind you of Darth Siddius?
Yoda: Spreading, the Dark Side is.
Interviewer: Speaking of the dark side, I now possess 2000 points of Chaos Space Marines, I’d like to challenge you one day.
Yoda: At the Warstore, did you buy?
Interviewer: Of course.
Yoda: Fight you with my Imperial Guard, I will.
Interviewer: Don’t be angry if you lose.
Yoda: Anger leads to hatred, hatred leads to the Dark Side.
Interviewer: But I’m already on the dark side.
Yoda: Fight for the Emperor, I will.
Yoda: In the grim darkness of the 41st millennium, only war, there is.
The Teutuls of "American Chopper" love TheWarStore!
Paul Jr. "For all of my themed armies I always come to TheWarStore.com for parts, paints, and tools. They always have the items I need and now that I am working on my Willy Wonka themed WarMachine Cryx army, I know…"
Paul Sr. "Just what the censored are you doing with that censored pin vice?"
Paul Jr.: Well Dad for my conversion I need to drill a few holes here in this bonejack."
Paul Sr.: "It looks like censored, besides your not even doing it right, you have to do it like this. And when the censored are you gonna clean up this place?"
Paul Jr. "I was doing just fine 'till you censored came along, go back into your office."
Paul Sr. "Don't you censored talk that way to me, I own this place, if it were not for me…."
The Teutuls: censored censored censored censored censored
Mikey: "Wow I get talk now? I just wanted to say how much we love TheWarStore.com, they are the greatest store online, and Neal is the most wonderful guy…
Mikey: Dad, take that pin vice out of his ear…"
Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa! My Black Templars army just arrived in the mail from TheWarStore and I have to sit here and listen to this guy! And what the heck am I going to do with a Congressional Gold Medal? Next time I'll invite Neal instead and save myself the agony.
I can't believe I only had to spend 381,384.41 lira on an entire Black Templars army! I haven't found a better deal this side of Macedonia. God bless Neal and his holy prices. He will surely ascend to heaven and be canonized after a long and prosperous life. As for the guy sitting next to me...
Well, let me just say that he hasn't had the pleasure of decimating the forces of Chaos with a Black Templar Marshall, two tactical squads, two scout squads, two, yes two Land Raider Crusaders, two Black Templar Assault squads, and a Dreadnought, and all for only 381,384.41 lira!
Neal is an American who knows how to please the Pope.
God bless you, Neal!
'Dalai L' checks out the latest Chaos Nurgle releases for his army at TheWarStore. Notice the blister rack in the background..
"Hi, I'm 'Dalai L'. Since I've been gone from Tibet, you can imagine how much time I have on my hands. Neal at TheWarStore gives me great deals on all of the miniatures games I play to pass the time between incarnations.
I may be a pacifist, but that doesn't stop me for a moment from opening up a can of Whupass on my colleague, Pope John Paul II, and his whussy little Bretonnians.
You can bet, the first thing I do when I get reincarnated, is a trip to the WarStore!"
Hello filthy Americans, do not shop at TheWarStore. Neal is an infidel and a pig. To offer such items, for gaming, pffft. I declare Jihad on TheWarStore! Jihad on Neal! Jihad on shaved faces! Jihad on good prices and fast shipping! Ha!
(That will teach you to cancel my order on 9/12 you son of a Jackal! Now I must go to Games Workshop store in Kandahar and pay full retail!)
Ahhh the Celebrities of the past....
TheWarStore has so many Celebrity fans that it is hard to keep track of them all. Here are the great 'Unsolicted Celebrity Testimonials' of times gone by...
I sure do miss the Lord of the Rings...
Washington Post, Lead Story January 14, 2003
In a suprise move, White House insiders say President George Bush has replaced his plain wedding band with the fabled Ring of Power and has declared himself Dark Lord of Mordor.
It has been noted that since the Republican triumph in the November elections the President has been much more outspoken about his 'powerful mandate' and hinting about a desire to bring all Middle Earth under his domination.
House Democratic leaders report being dismayed by this development, and are publically wondering if social programs and welfare would suffer under the rule of a Dark Lord. How-ever none would dare speak to us on the record.
"Taxes will definitely go up" said one unamed Republican source, "But nobody will seem to mind' he added.
The President's only comment on the matter was the offhand and cryptic, "Oh it's just something I got in a Lord of the Rings Risk game from Neal at TheWarStore".
Reports that Vice President Dick Cheney has taken to sporting white robes and a staff were unconfirmed at press time.
Arafat cornered in his bunker -- Wait, he is still there!
Hi! I am "Chairman A".
I am an average fun loving guy -- and I love to play Warhammer!
But something I do not understand -- Why does Neal at TheWarStore oppress me and my people so much?
Neal and I made a deal on some Warhammer figures while I was visiting Bill Clinton at Camp David. Yes, it was in Maryland -- but why should I pay full retail at Games Workshop Glen Burnie store? Neal is a great negotiator - he gave me everything I wanted! 20% off, Free Shipping, the works! When I jumped up and walked out of the negotiations he even threw in a Dark Angels Marine (he knows I dig the robes). He didn't realize I was just heading to the bathroom. Heh Heh!
Sure afterwards I changed a few things, cut the price, changed the terms, sent suicide squads after his mother.. but where I am from that is just another form of negotiation. Why take it so personally?
But now Neal is angry with me! He wont deliver the goods! This is unfair! This cannot be tolerated! Doesn't he know -- he must keep his part of the bargain no matter what I do!
Neal, when I get out of this bunker you will really be in trouble! Don't make me tell Egypt and Syria on you!
Blake gets arrested in connection with his wife's murder...
Actor Robert Blake, in green baseball hat, is escorted by police officers into Los Angeles Police headquarters after Blake and his bodyguard were arrested April 18 in connection with the shooting death of Blake's wife. (Nick Ut/AP Photo) Why exactly Blake needs a bodyguard is still uncertain... does he think thousands of Berretta fans are going to swarm him?
Message left on TheWarStore voice mail:
"Neal you gotta believe me -- it wasn't me! It was Spanky, Alfalfa and Froggy -- dey set me up! Itsa frame job I tells ya! Dey wuz always jealous of my incredible success as an adult actor!
Neal, Help me!"
Remember those girls lost in Afghanistan...
After being held captive by the Taliban for over three months, I sure was relieved when those Green Berets capped my abductors and got me safely over the border into Pakistan! Once I was free, and back in the states, the first thing I did was to see my good friend Neal Catapano in Southold, NY. Neal runs TheWarStore, the best on-line gaming store in the world...and I have been to Afghanistan, so I should know! Anyway, to celebrate my release I started a new Sisters of Battle army. Just the thing I needed to take my mind off all the recent craziness! For my Sisters to practice on I also bought some Tallarn Imperial Guard models to use as Taliban forces!
Burn them! Burn the heretics! Burn them all!
Sorry, I haven't quite gotten over the whole anger thing yet. Helsinki syndrome my butt...
Anyhoo, Here's a picture of me giving Neal a big hug to thank him for his great idea on how to get the US Army to rescue us. He was right! 2 or 3 attractive young women, standing on top of a mountain slowly burning our clothes piece by piece really got the Army over to us in a jiffy!
Anyway, I guess I have to go to the White House now for some sort
of dinner, I wish I could spend more time painting my new Sisters of Battle! Oh well. Be sure to support the USA and buy from Neal at TheWarStore!
Hugs and Kisses,
Former "Guest" of the Taliban
Good Old Rummy after 9-11...
We would like to thank TheWarStore for his patriotic business practices in these times of trouble. By using the tremendous savings Neal and TheWarStore offer, we here at the Quadragon have been able to run the scenarios in Afghanistan in great detail. We ordered 2000 marines alone (at a savings of over $1000 to the American taxpayer) to stage the initial deployment of ground forces. Combined with the large order of Space Marine Land Speeders, Forge World aircraft and accessories we were able to successfully plan the actions in a controlled wargame environment, using chaos cultists as Taliban and Imperial Guard, especially the Tallarn units, as Northern Alliance Troops.
Due to his tremendous service -- not to mention the free shipping -- Neal Catapano has given us the means of waging war against terrorism.
-- Donald Rumsfeld, U.S. secretary of defense
Isn't he dead yet? I want Cuban cigars again!
From the desk of el Presidente Fidel Castro
Here is the picture of my visit to The Warstore’s Grand Opening. Do you see my stunned expression from gazing at all of your gaming goodies? Not since I first read Marx had I beheld such a vision of paradise!
I remember when you, and I and Che were on the path of revolution back in the Sierra Maestre, you had a shaggier look, but now, as an international war games dealer, I know you have to look more professional.
Thanks again for supplying my country with miniatures war games during the inconvenient US embargo. We both have faced down mighty empires, and conquered. My nemesis, the United States, has prevented the people of Cuba from achieving true socialism, whilst Games Workshop has kept you from delivering rock-bottom prices. Together, we shall overthrow these imperialist dogs! “Free medical care and a great discount on miniatures” will be our revolutionary slogan!
Viva la revolucion! Viva la Warstore!
Your pal and frat brother,
Back when he was still wrasslin...
Finally......the Rock has come back to TheWarStore!
Hey Jabroni.... TheWarStore is the People's gaming store. Don't shop at any other rooty poo, candy a** store. Neal's prices Layeth the Smackdown on the competition. What does the competition have to say? It doesn't matter what they have to say!!!!!
The Rock sez get all your GW stuff at TheWarStore...........
....if you smell, what the Rock ....is..........cookin'!!!!
A Timeless classic...
A bit of class from Lewis Carroll (even dead guys love TheWarStore!)
The JabberWarstore! (variation on The Jabberwocky)
-Twas brillig and my Ultramarines
did stand in full array
The entire chapter, plus bonus things
I had bought from the War Store that day.
-Beware of buying at auction, my son!
The sellers whose sleaze will make you want to grieve!
Shop at The War Store instead, and shun
the tricks of unscrupulous thieves!
-I took my credit card in hand
(long time the Space Marines I bought)
So I online did spend my time
In search of the website I sought.
-And as in uffish search I sat
That same website, with prices tame
ran through my mind, when just like that
In my search, upon it I came!
-Click-click! Click-click! The whole website through
my wallet was no longer thick and fat!
My search complete, my army replete
with Thunderhawk Gunships and stuff like that.
-"And hast thou bought thy Space Marines?
Come fight my Orks, my beamish boy!
Set up terrain! and come get slain!"
He chortled in his joy.
-Twas brillig and my Ultramarines
did stand in full array
The entire chapter, plus bonus things
I had bought from the War Store that day.
They used to be big...really! Back before Justin was ripping clothes...
(Photo Caption: "That's me, pointing out my best buddy Neal Catapano, our special guest at a concert held recently in Southold, NY! You rock, Neal! The band will never be the same without you!")
"Hi there! You know me as Justin Timberlake of the band 'NSync...you know, the one who is dating Britney. Anyway, I want to introduce you to my best friend...Neal Catapano! Neal is the man! And Neal is the exclusive supplier of Warhammer minis to 'NSync!
When we are touring, nothing breaks up the monotony of another long night in Des Moines than playing a good game of Warhammer. The whole band has an army!
As true fans all know, Neal used to be the 6th member of 'NSync, but we knew that somehow he just wasn't happy touring on the road with us, making tons of money, and fighting off throngs of adoring women. Neal's true calling was always retail, and deep down inside, we all knew it.
Now that Neal's no longer a part of the band, he has a lot more time to spend operating the finest on-line GW store ever -- TheWarStore! Sure, he still has to fight off the hordes of adoring women, but somehow he manages to find the time to offer the best deals and customer service anywhere.
So, when you go to buy that new High Elf unit, or that Wood Elf Sorceress you need, make sure to buy from my buddy Neal Catapano, the exclusive supplier of GW products to 'NSync.
Bye, bye, bye!" -
Justin T, 'NSync
Remember her? Boy the Aliyah fans got on me about this one back in the day...
Recent Message left on Voice Mail at TheWarStore
"Hello Neal? I love TheWarStore! The latest packages arrived, and the roadies just jam packed the plane with Warhammer goodies!
Cya in Miami baby!"
Remember this guy?
"My fellow Americans; now that my wife's a Senator I'll be stuck in New York a whole lot more. And when I'm not helping with her 2004 Presidential campaign I just stop on in at TheWarStore. I love Dark Eldar (after being married to a Wych Succubus for 30 Years) and their combat drugs are great (But I didn't inhale). Whoa Boy! TheWarStore is cheap, and run by that handsome stud Neal. So stop on in and vote Hillary in 2004!!"
Back when she actually became a Senator...
Before this campaign started I had never before even considered going to New York. But you know, from the South Bronx to the Northern Tier, from Brooklyn to Buffalo, from Montauk to Massena, from the world's tallest skyscrapers to breathtaking mountain ranges, I've met people whose faces and stories I will never forget. One of those such stories is of a man named Neal Catapano.
Neal is a family man who has kept up the business that his parents started by taking money from other people and giving them things that were actually worth less money. I appreciate Neal's business on a very practical level.
My husband, like any man from age 6 to 160, loves to visit TheWarStore. It also keeps him out of my hair and out of trouble with my interns.
And because I have rescued New York from almost certain peril by winning the election from a fascist, state wrecking, fun-hating Republican, Neal's business will continue to prosper and bring stability, fidelity and all around goodness to the families of this great state and all around this great country.